


Reflections

by for_the_love_of_wolves



Series: AoS Promptober 2019 [19]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, Episode: s06e06 Inescapable, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Illusions, Mind Prison, Mirrors, Promptober, Season/Series 06
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-26
Updated: 2019-10-26
Packaged: 2021-01-03 23:42:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21187955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/for_the_love_of_wolves/pseuds/for_the_love_of_wolves
Summary: In the mind prison, Fitz stumbles into a mirror maze. The mirrors are showing him more than only his own reflection. (Written for Promptober Day 15: Corn maze or a maze of mirrors)





	Reflections

Fitz is trapped inside a maze of mirrors. He can’t find a way out.

He hastens through the narrow rows of mirrors, breathless and desperate. He’s bathed in cold sweat and his heart is pounding wildly. It’s dead silent around him. His hectic gasps and frantic footsteps are the only noises. His own reflection accompanies him, jumping from mirror to mirror.

Jemma. Where is Jemma? He has to find her. They have to get out of this … this prison.

He doesn’t understand. One moment, they have been together, trying to escape from the music box monster, and the other moment, he’s here, alone, trapped in a maze of mirrors.

He has been in a maze before. But it has been a corn maze with solid walls, and he has been with his mother who promised him they won’t get lost in there, who took his hand and led him on, telling him stories about a raven which tricked a fox … He has felt safe back then. Now, he feels terrified in too many ways.

God. He can’t find a way out of here … He can't find Jemma.

Completely out of breath, he stops, bending over and putting his hands on his knees, gasping for air. His lungs are burning and the sweat drips down his back, making him shiver. This world feels so real … He sometimes forgets it’s not. When he eventually straightens up, he looks right into another mirror and he freezes. His eyes widen in confusion and horror. What the …

No. No that can’t be. That’s not what mirrors do, that’s …

“Look at you. Trembling like a leave in the wind. Are you scared again, little Leo?” The words are spoken in a ice-cold voice tripping with venom.

God. That voice … Fitz didn’t want to hear it ever again. He was so sure it was gone. Terrified and transfixed at the same time, he stares at the mirror that isn’t reflecting Fitz’s own shivering form anymore. Instead, the Doctor is staring at him, in his tight suit and with his hair straight against his head. His face wears a thin-lipped cold smirk and his gaze is piercing. “Did you forget how to talk as well now?”

“You’re not real,” Fitz blurts out. It was supposed to sound firm and sure, but his voice is shaking, and it sounds more like he’s trying to convince himself. “Not real. Like this whole place.”

The Doctor tilts his head, his smirk broadening. “You’re pathetic,” he says calmly, and Fitz flinches. “Pathetic and weak. You can’t escape this place. You’re not mentally strong enough. You’re damaged. Everyone is pitying you. Jemma too.”

Fitz’s stomach drops. A sharp painful coldness starts to creep into his body, reaching every cell. “No. That’s not true,” he whispers. Distantly, he knows it’s no use to talk to a illusion – or whatever this is – but he can’t suppress the fear the words are provoking. The fear, they could be true …

“You know it is true,” The Doctor insists. “They were talking about you. Poor Fitz, not the same anymore. They couldn’t use you anymore, so they casted you aside. They’re just bothering with you, because they don’t want you to think you’re a burden. Because they want to be kind. But you are. You are a burden. It’s pathetic you’re still trying to please everyone. To protect everyone. You couldn’t protect Jemma from this. You won’t be able to protect her from what is to follow. You’re _nothing_.”

“Stop,” Fitz breathes. His legs feel weak. They wobble under him and he sways, supporting himself on another mirror. He squeezes his eyes shut, wishing the demon away. “Stop …”

“Are you going to cry? Again? You know exactly how much father hates crying. Tears are for the weak. Do you want to get into trouble? Why won’t you just give up? Let me in, let me do this, let me fix this. I could. I could keep Jemma safe, if I’d wanted to. But she means nothing to me. No one and nothing in your world means anything to me. And I’d love to see it burn. I will burn it to ash and I will hear the words this time. I will hear them out of Jemma’s mouth loud and clear. _You mean nothing to me_ –“

“STOP!” Fitz yells and the next moment, the mirror shatters, fragments of glass flying everywhere. With dull surprise, he looks at his bleeding hand and realizes he punched right into the glass. Breathing heavily, he pulls a shard out of the skin and grimaces. He even feels the pain … God. What if he will stay here forever? What if there’s no way out? He shivers and wipes at his forehead. He’s bathed in sweat. At least the Doctor is gone now. At least it’s silent now …

“Fitz, why did you do it?”

He freezes. The voice came from behind him. And he knows it all too well … Fitz slowly turns around and looks right into Coulson’s tired eyes. Coulson looks … sick. His skin is greyish and his body is thinner than usual. Fitz sees almost black lines coming from under Coulson’s shirt. Coulson looks sick and … disappointed. “I didn’t think you would be so careless, Fitz. How could you help Radcliffe build AIDA? How could you let the Framework happen? I made a deal because of it. And now I’m dying. There’s no way to stop it this time, Fitz. I will die. And I just managed to tell May I love her …”

“No,” Fitz whispers. Tears fill his eyes. “No … I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“Apologies won’t help anyone of us,” another voice says. Calm and cold. May. She’s in the mirror beside Coulson, her arms crossed, her gaze stern. “You were stupid, Fitz. You brought the whole team into danger. And I know we said we would pay the prize together, but actually … it’s you, who should pay for your sins. Take responsibility.”

“I wanted to,” Fitz breathes, slowly sinking down on his knees, the tears now running freely. It’s too much … “I wanted to pay the prize. I … I was in prison. I never complained. Not even when they starved me. I didn’t … I’m sorry. I’m sorry, May. Please forgive me …”

“That’s what you want? Forgiveness?” Daisy … Yet another disappointed face. “Do you really think you deserve forgiveness? After what you did to me? It wasn’t the current you, but the other Fitz was the same, right? You would do it too. You would hurt me.”

Fitz closes his eyes, the pain a raging wave inside him, overwhelming him. This is too much. He can’t look at them. But he also can’t shatter their reflections. He misses them …

“You should stay away from them.”

Fitz gasps. He opens his eyes again, surprised and confused. His own voice. What …

He’s in the mirror opposite May. The other Fitz, wearing a blue shirt covered in red-brown stains. There’s a gash on his forehead and God, he looks tired. “You should stay away, so nothing happens to them. To Jemma. You’re not stable and you’re going to break just like me. It’s just a matter of time.”

Stay away from Jemma? The thought hurts so much … But if that’s what it takes to save her. He just wants her to be safe … Wants everyone to be safe.

“Then you shouldn’t have traumatized us with your virtual reality and your robot girlfriend,” Daisy says coldly.

This hits hard and deep. Fitz closes his eyes again. “Stop,” he whimpers, pressing both hands against his aching head. “Please …”

“Fitz?”

Jemma … God no. No, everything but not this. He can’t deal with her reflection telling him … “Fitz? Fitz, what’s wrong? Look at me, Fitz!”

She sounds close. Fitz opens his eyes hesitantly. She’s right in front of him, and she’s not a reflection. She’s real. As real as she can be here. She smiles at him carefully. “Hey. Are you alright? You were … I heard you saying please. What’s up with this mirror maze?” She asks, looking around and scrunching her nose.

The reflections are gone. The mirrors are empty. It’s silent again.

Fitz shakes his head and clears his throat. “I … I don’t know. I was here suddenly, searching for you.”

“But … Why didn’t you imagine anything else? Since we know now, that we can change our surroundings?”

Fitz shakes his head again. “I couldn’t,” he says hoarsely.

Jemma looks at him, frowning. “Alright. What about … Can I imagine something?”

“Please …” Everything that’s not … this.

Jemma closes her eyes, and suddenly, they are sitting on a meadow. There are green hills in the distance. The sky is blue and the sun is shining. It’s warm. Jemma smiles. “Much better.”

Fitz nods. He looks at his hand. The wounds are gone.

“Fitz … What happened in the mirror maze? Why were you crying?”

He doesn’t want to tell her at first. But then he remembers … The promise to tell each other everything. To stop keeping secrets. He swallows hard. The voices and the venomous words are still echoing inside his head. And he still feels the pain … Sharp and cold. “They … they reflected people,” he says quietly. “First, the Doctor. Then … the team. They were talking to me. Telling me things. Horrible things. It was like I was talking to myself, but only about … Well. About my fears. Things like … that I’m to blame for Coulson’s death. And that I’m a burden. Not good enough. Such things.” He shivers and falls silent.

“Oh Fitz,” Jemma says, her eyes filling with warm understanding sympathy. “I’m sorry … I wasn’t real. This ... It was trying to hurt you. But what they said, it isn’t true. I promise.”

She pulls him into a hug and he sinks into it gratefully. He tries not to, but he can’t keep his mind from thinking, that some things the reflections told him might be true. Some. And a small but persistent voice is still asking if it wouldn’t be for the better to run away.

Maybe … No, certainly, he should find a way to process everything that happened in the past. Therapy. He will talk to Jemma about this. As soon as they found a way to escape this mind prison. Together, he’s certain they will find a way.


End file.
